To be honest, I am not quite sure where to begin. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my season of singleness is that it’s a journey. A journey that I did not expect nor prepared for.
My season had and still has its highs, but it did have some intense lows. My last relationship ended about five years ago, and let me be the first to tell you that it was a heartbreaking experience. The last person I was with was someone I believed that I would marry someday. In a blink of an eye, all of that changed, and I chose to walk away.
When I chose to walk away from the relationship, it’s not something I wanted to do, but something I needed to do. My flesh and my heart told me to stay, but I had to think about what me staying would look like, and after doing that, I could not accept the life I kept envisioning not just for me but also for him. The breakup was a hard, painful, and overall different experience. Weirdly, I had to readjust my whole life. At the time, I was confused as to why God would let that happen to me. If I am honest, I was frustrated with God. It was hard for me to believe that God was in the midst of the chaos. Believe it or not, although my breakup was all of those things and more, I am glad that it happened. If that relationship did not end, I do not believe that I would have become the woman that I am today mentally, physically, and spiritually. Years after the breakup, I realized that although I was experiencing a roller-coaster of emotions, it was all for my good and for God’s glory. Even though I could not see it, I could not feel it; God was still working.
At first, I could not stand the thought of being single. I went from spending every day with someone to spending every day “alone.” I missed going through life and creating new memories with someone other than my friends and family. Now that I was “alone,” I started to do what most girls do after a breakup. I began to ask myself, “Was it me?”. For some odd reason, I started to blame myself for his actions. After feeling humiliated, drained, and simply defeated from my breakup, I crawled back to Jesus unashamed. I came to a point where I desperately needed my father more than ever before. When I was in the relationship, I still loved Jesus and made an effort to walk in His way, but I wasn’t investing in my relationship with Christ as much as I was investing in my relationship with my boyfriend at the time. I wasn’t spending as much time reading my word or in God’s presence in prayer. I want to make it very clear that in no way am I blaming my ex for my lack of engagement with God. My relationship with God is my responsibility. It was my job to make God a priority as much as He makes me his, and I simply didn’t do that.
The best part about my season of singleness is that my relationship with God deepened. After running back to God with all of my hurt, he picked me up and put me back together again. When I turned back to God, he helped me understand that I should not rely on this world for love or commitment, but that I should solely depend on Him, then everything else will fall into place. From that day on, I made a vow to always include God in whatever I am doing. Whether I am getting into a new relationship or starting my homework assignments, I want to invite God. The bible tells us in John 15:5 that apart from God we can do nothing, so every day when I wake up in the morning, I make it a priority to invite God into my day, home, heart, dreams, and so much more because that’s how much I value his presence in my life. As I close out this blog, I want to leave you with the top six lessons that I learned from being in a relationship and being single. By no means am I an expert, but I hope you can learn something from my experience. Enjoy!
Top 6 Lessons I’ve Learned
Invite God into your season of singleness. If you are currently single and desire to be in a relationship, start praying for your spouse now. It is never too early to let God know what you are looking for in a man or woman. Include Him in the process, because you want HIS best for you.
Do not put God on the back burner because of your relationship with your partner. Your relationship with God should always be your #1 priority. He is the one who will guide you to be the best girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband for your partner.
Make sure that your core values align. Don’t lower your standards to feed your partner’s contentment. It is essential to be equally yoked in a relationship.
Be transparent, communicate, and actively listen to each other. Being right is not the goal, but understanding what will benefit the relationship in the long run is!
DO NOT SETTLE. Don’t let feelings of loneliness cloud your judgment. It is better to wait for what God has in store for you than to get into a relationship that won’t produce any fruit.
Being single DOES NOT suck! The best part is that you get to start over. Date yourself for awhile. Learn about yourself again. What do you like? What won’t you tolerate? What are the deal breakers? Weaknesses? Ask yourself questions before getting back into the dating world again.