Updated: Jan 16, 2022
Guest Writer: Leslie Owens
Hello, everyone! Get ready because in this blog, you’re about to get a glimpse into my relationships or lack thereof. Believe it or not, I’ve been happily single for the majority of my life. Yes, I’ve dated here and there, but I was in undergraduate school the last time I dated so it’s been a few years. To be quite honest, I haven’t been actively looking to date or be in a serious relationship. There are a few reasons for that, with the first being that I’m simply just selfish.
Now I'm not afraid to admit it and I truly enjoy only considering myself and my own feelings when making life-altering decisions. Another reason is that I’m 24, just got my master’s degree, and I’m more focused on finally starting my career.
I am definitely one of those people who feels that they need to be established before willingly pursuing a serious relationship because “being broke ain’t cute”. Forgive me if I sound classist, as this is not my intention, just my personal opinion. You can tie that into the fact that I’m just not emotionally available at this time. I am in the process of attending therapy to mentally unpack my daddy issues and childhood trauma that I’ve spent my whole life suppressing. Now that they're finally starting to catch up to me, I wouldn’t want to bring my unresolved issues into my relationship and take them out on my future partner because he doesn’t deserve that. My goal is to just live freely without my mental baggage weighing me down.
So, as you can see, there are multiple reasons why I'm happy in my current state of singleness, some personal and some professional. However, one of the main things I LOVE about being single is that it allows me to focus on my personal growth and development. Now, I know some of you might ask, “Leslie, why can’t you work on your growth and development while in a relationship?” My response would be, “Yes, you can work on your growth and development while in a relationship because single or not, we’ll all continue to grow throughout our lives. However, I would rather focus on my growth while I’m single so I can give my all and love my hardest when I am in a relationship.”
I have honestly lost track of how many people have asked me why I’m not in a relationship or dating. It seems that adults, especially as they age, are pressured more and more by society and their peers to be in a relationship as if being single is some sort of a curse. Unfortunately, this can also cause people to enter into relationships prematurely just to say they are taken. The way I see it is, if more people spent time being single, getting to know themselves, and working on their own development, we’d have more successful relationships.
Now yes, at some point, I do see myself getting married and having children in the future. Nevertheless, I don’t want to do either of these things until I’m mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically prepared to do so. I have seen too many relationships end and too many people become parents before they were ready, before they were prepared in these aspects. Of course, you can never be completely prepared for anything, but it doesn’t hurt to try, in my opinion.
To conclude, I wanted to write about my experience with being happily single because Alexandra and I speak about this subject all the time. Often, we see so many blogs and social media accounts dedicated to relationships, but not too many dedicated to singleness. It’s 2021! It’s time we start prioritizing ourselves and getting to know what we want, need, like, and dislike before we try to worry about what someone else wants, needs, likes, and dislikes. Why?
Because self-love is the best love, according to Ari Lennox (and I’m in agreement with her). We can’t possibly get to know and love someone else if we don’t know and love ourselves fully, and that’s a significant part of what being happily single is all about.
Thanks so much for reading,